Lately I am so overwhelmed.
I am not the mom I thought I would be. Not right now.
With Mila constantly throwing tantrums and fighting me every second of the day, its hard to deal with. Especially alone.
I don't have family here to take her when I need a break.
I don't get date nights or alone time with my husband.
I never get a break. Ever.
Meanwhile, the dishes are piling up and I am trying to keep up with making sure the house is clean all the time. If I dont my OCD will kick in, and the mess raises my stress levels even more.
My daughter is so strong willed. I know I was the same way when I was her age and I have no idea how my mom dealt with it. The past two weeks have took such a toll on me.Out of nowhere. She has always been such a sweetheart but that sweet side is hiding lately.
I am that mom who LOATHES asking for help. Even for little things.
I feel like I need to do everything on my own and I know it doesn't help but I cant help it.
I need to take care of everyone else, never taking care of myself.
I don't want to go to public places because it is a guaranteed battle, ending in her screams being heard on the other side of the store, all because she won't hold my hand. Or all because she wants to take off running into the parking lot. Every outing this week has been pure hell.
Then there's me, raising my voice, constantly nagging and begging her to listen.
Being that mom that I always judged and swore I would never be. Bribing my child just to get her to listen to me for 5 seconds. Snapping at my husband for throwing his shoes on the floor in the wrong spot. Just feeling like I am going insane.
My anxiety is at an all time high and what the cuss. What do you even do in this situation? Have any of you gone through this with your toddlers/children? I am out of ideas. I try to be nice and talk her down from tantrums, doesnt work, so I get mean, doesnt work. I feel like nothing works. I am all for any ideas or coping mechanisms you all have, before I move to a deserted island, or hide in the closet for 10 minutes.
All the feelings. All the stress. All the 'what the hell?!'s
I need a hug.
And another Red Bull.